I Heart the TTC

Robot Lady

—Davisville Station

"Arriving at Davisville. dAAVIsville station."

It’s great. She sounds bizarrely happy the second time she says it. Like weird robot uncertainty happiness. Unsure of what it means to feel feelings or how to express them. Anyways, I like it and it makes me smile every time I hear it. Oh robot lady. 

Take a moment. It is going to be ok.

Until recently almost all the TTC trains were from the late 70s and running on some pretty old technology. That means that the new trains must be absolutely amazing, given the 30+ years they had to continue to develop the rocket science that is the box on wheels. Which is why the following baffles some people.

The old trains would come to a stop at every station and the doors would open immediately, allowing passengers to rush out to their daily grind. No one was dying and everything worked fine.

The new train’s doors do not open immediately.

Instead these trains stop and then wait. They wait an excruciatingly long two seconds before opening the doors. I’ve heard a lot of people complain about this and how that two seconds compounded over the course of a day ends up being like eight weeks a day in dog years of TTC delays. This is starting to get on my nerves. These people do not understand the brilliance that is the TTC. This is far more than advancement in technology. This is an advancement in positive psychology, an ingenious application of the innovations of humanistic psychologists like Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers.

This two-second delay was obviously calculated very carefully for our benefit. There is no way that the TTC would ever do something so backwards and without apparent logic unless it was for our benefit.

 The reason is pretty simple. They must have done a long and detailed study into the calming effects of taking a moment to breathe before you begin your day. In those two seconds the TTC is saying, “Hold on Guys, take a breath. It’s going to be a good day. This is your day and your time. Embrace it. Embrace the day. And don’t forget to pick up some milk on your way home from work. You really don’t want to piss your mom off again. You still live with your mom.”

 So next time you start complaining and questioning the TTC, just remember, the average salary is 100k for a reason. They are brilliant and are here to make your day matter.

Beacons of light in a lost world

I remember the chore that was taking out my night vision goggles before entering the old train. Those things were heavy, not to mention expensive! On days where I forgot to charge my goggles, I was truly putting my life in jeopardy flailing around in the dark. The lights were just so dim it was nearly impossible to see.

All that has changed on the new state-of-the-art trains. The lights on these trains are so bright that now you get to enjoy that soothing ‘walking towards the light’ near-death experience every day as you enter the train. Aside from that, it’s also a fantastic way to stay awake before your long day at work. I used to show up to work tired from half-sleeping on the train. Not anymore! Now I’m wide awake with the only side effect being a slight amount of deep retina burn. I’m also able to point out to the lovely lady I’m smashed up against that she could use a good pore cleaning on her nose.

I highly recommend taking someone on the new trains for a first date. If they look good under these lights, then they are a keeper!

Ding, Ding goes the Trolley!

A guest post by Fiona Farestein

I have a thing for streetcar drivers. Seriously, how can you resist? I am a sucker for being asked to see a transfer. Best pick-up line ever! And the way they look at the change as it drops into the box. Like a sly fox. I see you, Mr. Driver. No one pushes a button better. And that’s saying a lot because i’m told there are these really cute monkeys out there that push buttons. Well I would chose a streetcar driver over a monkey any day. Can a monkey keep a streetcar on the track? I don’t think so. 

And have you seen how forcefully streetcar drivers can slam folding doors in people’s faces? Oh man, the muscles. You don’t want to mess. In fact, don’t even bother running for the streetcar when you’re late and they’re at a red light. Just slam-o, right in your face like only a streetcar driver can. Hot. Honestly,where have you ever seen coordination like that? I’ll tell you one thing, no one can stop a streetcar and jump out mid-stop to get a Tim Horton’s coffee like a streetcar driver. So what can I say, I’m helpless. 

This is why I have always been tempted to jump into the lap of the streetcar driver. And I would too! If I could only find my way around that pesky, white line they painted on the floor in 1960 just inches away from the drivers seat. Clever driver. I guess I’m not the only one in love with you? Every time I go to pounce that white line stops me from hopping up on their welcoming laps mid-spring. That line. Always laying there, reminding me how far I am from meeting my true soulmate. You know what? Go ahead and remind me that I need to “STAND BEHIND THE WHITE LINE, thank you”  cause I love it when you play hard to get. Me-ow.

Modern and intuitive safety features

Such a simple but brilliant design. Instead of having the bars go along the roof for people to hold, we instead have this large lowered surface area on the new trains. On this surface area are sections that look similar to vents. A person simply has to latch their fingers into this vent area and they are now safe from falling over. If you do not like this “vent” area there is also another 20 feet of lowered flat surface on each new train. all you have to do is put your hand flat against this and you are once again safe from falling over. This covers much more surface area than the bars ever did and makes riding the TTC safer for everyone! It’s amazing how these simple innovations show the quality and thought that went into the new train design.

I was just about to forget. Thank God you reminded me.

"Please stand clear of doors. The doors are closing." It’s really good that, on the new improved trains, this plays just before the doors close and right after they close. I think the second time makes total sense. It’s a reminder that the doors have already closed and hopefully you stood clear of them. On my morning trip in the new trains I get to hear this line 24 times. That’s 48 times a day. It used to be only 24 times a day on those old, dangerous trains for people with really good memories. Thank you TTC for helping me remember to stand clear of the doors. 

Thank your for making the new trains so patriotic

I love that every time I pull down one of the handles in the center of the train, it makes the sound of a Canada goose squawking. The sense of pride I feel for the TTC and this majestic bird is heightened when the train is packed and everyone is using those handles. Thank you Bombardier for your incredible attention to detail and quality control. There is nothing more uplifting than hearing a flock of geese soaring above me.

This morning there was a train with mechanical difficulties at Davisville

It was a new train. I was late for work because of one your new trains and the 14 passenger assist alarms caused by people fainting while waiting for your shiny new train to work. #Bombardier #startablog